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Five things meme

For cassievalentine:



5 Conversations Derek and Addison Will Never Have

5. The third night in a row he comes in after midnight, Addison doesn't say hello or ask him if she can fix him a sandwich. It's not so much that she's tired of the fighting -- at least the fighting means there's some energy left in their marriage -- but the fact is, Derek doesn't really look at her anymore when he's yelling. She watches from her perch on the sofa as Derek takes off his shoes, drops his blazer on the kitchen table, and unsnaps his wrist watch. She opens her mouth to ask where he's been, and she doesn't just mean physically, but before she can get the words out, he's kneeling in front of her, his hands on her knees, as if he were a supplicant. His palms are hot against her skin, and he leans towards her, his lips pressing hard against any words she might have to say. For the third night in a row, Addison forgives him.

4. The bar is dank and dusty, and it's the last place Addison would ever set foot in. The bartender is burly guy, wearing a gray t-shirt, and his accent gives him away as a native Bostonian, most probably from the North Shore. In other circumstances, Derek would ask what brought the guy down to New York City, but as he takes another gulp of his beer, Derek decides he doesn't care.

"Last call," the bartender says. "You okay?"

"I'm good."

"You ought to go home. Aren't you a doctor?"

"Yeah."

"Go home."

"You sound like my wife."

"More reason to go home."

"Not tonight," Derek says. He sighs heavily. "I've already been home."

There's a moment of silence, and the neon glow from the Budweiser sign reflects streaks of red and blue on the wall. The bartender puts some newly washed glasses away, each one settling into the crate with a clink.

"There's nothing you can't fix," the bartender says with all the confidence of someone who's never been there, never done that.

"I found her in bed with my best friend."

More silence, more clinking. Derek picks at an imaginary piece of lint on his blazer jacket. He thinks about Addison, sitting up in bed, clutching the flannel sheet to her chest, her red hair falling around her face, and the way the early evening light cut through the slats of the blinds, criss-crossing her body. He wonders if she meant for him to find them, because after all, they -- Addison and Mark -- could have gone to a hotel.

"That's rough, man. I'm sorry," the bartender says. "What are you going to do?"

"I don’t know."

The bartender leans on the counter, his weight on his forearms. "Go home," he says. "Ask her why. There are two sides to every story." He straightens up and resumes tidying up. "You can decide in the morning. When you're rested, when your head is cleared, when your anger isn't set on slow burn."

Derek nods slowly. He pushes a couple of twenties across the bar. He can afford to be generous tonight, his last night in New York City.

"Go home," the bartender says. "Talk to her."

"Yeah," Derek says. "Thanks." He shoves his hands in his pockets and walks out into the night.

3. The problem with the trailer, Addison decides, is that it's not large enough for two egos, a dog (which she keeps tripping over), and Meredith Grey. She admits there's a certain efficiency in being able to be able to reach for a piece of toast while in the shower, but she also hates the fact there's nowhere to put her vast collection of shoes (currently stored beneath the bed and the tiny table in the breakfast 'room'; it's also starting to really annoy her how Derek refers to each segment of the trailer as a 'room'). Plus, given the size, she knows there's nowhere Meredith Grey hasn't been.

The only good thing about the trailer, she thinks, is the fact when Derek starts to descend into moodiness, his eyes growing dark with anger (or more likely, resentment, but Addison doesn't like to think he resents her), Addison can flee into the wide open spaces, turning her face up to the sky, and letting the wind ruffle through her hair. Addison is starting to develop a love for nature.

Still there are times, when she stands on the porch, watching Derek (always in flannel plaid and blue jeans when at home) firing up the grill, when she wants to say, "How about we look into buying a house? I hear they have them here in Seattle." But she's afraid of his answer, because there are times when she thinks he loves the trailer (and what it represents) more than her.

2. Addison tilts her face towards the night sky. Out here, well away from the lights of the city, she can see the Milky Way. It's been years since she's seen the stars quite like this -– diamonds thrown up against velvet in a haphazard embarrassment of riches -- and she has to admit, she likes it. The air is sticky sweet with the smell of spring rain, and the symphony of crickets, owls, and other creatures of the night is strangely beautiful. Addison steals a sideways glance at Derek, who is sitting on the porch, brooding, his fingers wrapped around a sweating bottle of beer. He doesn't need to know, Addison decides, that Seattle is growing on her.

1. She hears the way he says 'Meredith' and she shivers. She hates the fact of not knowing when the elevator doors open, when she turns a corner, when she enters the cafeteria, whether she'll see Derek there. With Meredith. She hates the way he says 'Meredith' and she's running out of snappy, witty sayings to make them think she doesn't care when she sees them together, but as she walks away from them, she'll twist her engagement and wedding rings around her fingers.

On the rare occasions she and Derek share a meal together, Addison desperately wants to ask him what he's thinking, what he's feeling. But she knows the response -- it's been the same for years: "Not now, Addison" or worse, because she knows it's not true, "I'm fine, Addison." She hates the way he says her name, with the emphasis on the last syllable, as if he's scolding her. There's no softness to his voice when he speaks to her, no rounded syllables, no gentleness, and she hates hearing the formality of 'Addison'. She thinks she could bear this assault on her name if she didn't have to see him on a daily basis speaking to Meredith, knowing so well that there’s a difference in tone, in cadence, in emotion.

So for this dinner, just before the prom, they're sitting in a fancy French restaurant, their silverware blinking against the china plates. Derek is wearing his tux, she's wearing red because he once told her he liked her best in red. She reaches forward, brushes his hand with the tips of her fingers. Derek lifts his hand, smiles wanly at her, and she decides not to ask if he is willing to let Meredith go. She lifts her wine glass, the merlot swirling at the bottom of the goblet.

"To us," she says, her voice scratchy with emotion.

Derek hesitates and then he nods slowly. His glass taps gently against hers. "To us." He draws back, clears his throat. He has that faraway look in his eyes, the one that makes her afraid of what he's going to say. "You look beautiful tonight, Addie."

She smiles. Yes, she was right not to ask him how he truly feels about Meredith.

~ the end


Original meme requests over here.

Comments

Fantastic! Everything I was hoping for!

Thanks! I was hoping you'd like it. I had a blast writing it.

I enjoyed this very, very much. Thank you for sharing. :)

Glad to hear it. Thanks for reading and the FB.

this was amazing.
My favorite was def. the last one because it is so fricking ironic after the prom.
God, I hate Derek so much when I read stuff like this.
But still, this was amazing. And I am missing my Addison! Only 11 more days!!!

Thanks for reading and the FB :-). I felt really bad for Addison during the prom, because she had that expression of such hope and joy when Derek asked her, and really, it was all about Meredith again, wasn't it? Dork. And I'm with you -- really can't wait to see what comes next for Addison. Made it through the summer, but man, next week seems awfully far away, doesn't it?

very very pretty! good job.

Thanks!

(Anonymous)

I really loved this, especially the one with Derek in the bar and the last one (even if it breaks my heart to know what happens next in "ga real time". Great work. : )

AddisonRules

Thanks for the FB. And actually Derek in the bar is my favorite too. I'd like to think he took a moment to absorb before going on his cross-country jaunt, and as far as poor Addison at the end, I just felt so bad for her at the prom, knowing how happy she was Derek asked her. It was very high school and sad in the same way. Thanks again.

this was great. I love Addison, even if i love Mer/Der too

I loved it.

and fabalafaepotter, I think I might love you, too. A mer/der shipper who loves Addison? Awesomely novel. Seriously.

haha. she's a great person. she and derek just aren't right for each other any more. and by person i do mean character. i know she's not real. haha

You truly have crushed my hopes and dreams and physical existence for saying that Addie isn't real.

(Not really. But it seemed like an appropriate thing to say.) Secretly, I'm a total Mer/Der shipper as well, and also love Addison. And you are cool, so I thought I would say it.)

On the fic:
Aww. Just, gah, I love angsting Addek. And this was so beautifully written. I particularly liked the part about the stars as diamonds. Just so poetic. :)

Addison is wonderful, isn't she? Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the FB.

This was amazing and just gorgeous. The last one is indeed oh so ironic, but beautiful. Is it wrong that I want to hurt Derek even more now?

Is it wrong that I want to hurt Derek even more now?

Nah (g). I think you'd find yourself in plenty of company on that count (g).

Thanks for the FB. I loved writing it, even the last one which was very sad for Addison, but had to be done.

Okay, first I have to say that despite the fact MD are my ship (They're not my number one ship, Martin and Sam are, but I can't get over the flirty season 1 so yeah, I like MD as a ship) Addison is my favorite character and I love your take on her. I can definitely sense a miasmatic frustration (I hope you wanted to aim this, if not sometimes I read too much between the lines so this is me over analyzing) that comes from the lack of communication. Geez she is almost too much solitaire in your fic and I think you really nail her because sometimes in the show she is portrayed like that... like she is the one trying to make it work.

Anyway, this fic is good and your characterization was right on spot. I love the bartender part but my favorite part is Addison's take on the way Derek says her name (and comparing it to Meredith's) and I think you're probably right. This was such a simple observation yet it was so effective on the fic. I love these small moments in fics.

Before I babble too much and start to say stupid things I have to congratulate you for your beautiful take on Addison.

Martin and Sam

"Without a Trace"? (g) If so, I love them together too. If not, just ignore the ficcer behind the curtain...

Addison is my favorite character and I love your take on her. I can definitely sense a miasmatic frustration (I hope you wanted to aim this, if not sometimes I read too much between the lines so this is me over analyzing) that comes from the lack of communication.

I think a big part of the breakdown of their marriage is they stopped talking to each other. I don't know who stopped first, but Addison is the one who is obviously trying to talk and Derek either can't or doesn't want to talk. I think a lot of their current relationship frustrates both of them. She's genuinely in love with him, wants to put things back together, and he's not trying as hard because he's more conflicted. Because he's conflicted, he's not talking to her and it's just not pretty.

Geez she is almost too much solitaire in your fic and I think you really nail her because sometimes in the show she is portrayed like that... like she is the one trying to make it work.

I do think she's trying harder than Derek. And if Derek's trying, we don't get to see it, unfortunately. We only get to see him mooning over Meredith and leading Addison on. Which doesn't say much about his character, unfortunately.

I love the bartender part but my favorite part is Addison's take on the way Derek says her name (and comparing it to Meredith's)

Thanks for reading, and especially for telling me what you liked. I appreciate that :-)


Heee a Martin and Sam fan (from WAT, yes). I just love them and despite the fact that in this moment I am so excited about Lost (and my ship) that it's getting hard to concentrate on anything else, I really want them to be back together (I won't hold my breath though... damn you writers!).

You're right, I don't think Derek really tried to be with Addison... she is like, trying so hard to make amends and he just keeps dragging her into this complicated situation where she don't get the treatment she deserves *hugs Addison*. I hope I don't offend you because you may be a DA shipper, but it seems their marriage was dead before the cheating thing and part was due the lack of communication and busy work hours... which is not something absurd if you think both are kick ass doctors and this comes with a price.

I really want them to be back together (I won't hold my breath though... damn you writers!).


I agree. What's up with the lack of Martin and Sam? Maybe this season...

I hope I don't offend you because you may be a DA shipper, but it seems their marriage was dead before the cheating thing and part was due the lack of communication and busy work hours

Nah, not offended (g). I think their marriage was dead before the cheating, and the cheating was a symptom of the broken marriage. So I was excited over the idea that people could work to fix a marriage, and maybe even be happy again in a way they hadn't been before, but I doubt that's in Shonda's Great Plan (tm). So while I'm an Addek fan, I'm more of an Addison fan, and honestly, she may be too good for Derek. Meredith is too good for Derek. It's really very sad just how lame he got as a character.

Thanks! I'm so glad you liked it!

Loved it :)

"He wonders if she meant for him to find them, because after all, they -- Addison and Mark -- could have gone to a hotel."

OMG, I've thought about the same thing... Why didn't the go to a hotel? Or his place? Perhaps we'll find out when Mark returns *big grin*

OMG, I've thought about the same thing... Why didn't the go to a hotel? Or his place? Perhaps we'll find out when Mark returns *big grin*

It's a really good question -- maybe they wanted to be caught, maybe it was the heat of the moment and they didn't think, or they thought Derek was out of town, not coming home until later...

Thanks for reading and the FB :-)

Looovely! :) I especially liked #1, because i've often reflected upon the way Derek says both of their names. :)

Thanks :-) I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

I really like the stories, or the plots. I think 2 is my favourite. It´s sad but I can actually see him in that bar, drowning his sorrows in alkohol before leaving for Seattle, knowing that he won´t return home.

I like the bar scene too, because it's his only moment of hesitation, the fact that he needs something to take the edge off and to calm himself down. but in the end, he still can't face Addison. It's really sad in his own way that he had to run away from his problems, rather than deal with them.

Thanks for the FB :-) Much appreciated.

Really I read this on a whim, as I'm not much of a Derek or Addison fan,(I guess I was trying to pass my time as I wait in vain for a Finn fanfic). And yet somehow I fell in love with this story. Absolutely beautifully written, I think you did an especially good job of really staying in character. I could actually picture these scenes taking place, hear the actors saying the written dialogue, and imagine the characters going through these thought processes. And you managed to do the almost unthinkable- I actually pitied and cared about Addison. Sorry about the ramble, I don't usually comment, but this was a really fabulous job.

<3 cbro

Wow, thank you :-) I'm so glad you stopped by and took the time to read even if you aren't an Addison/Derek fan (actually, I'm starting to not be an Addek fan -- just Addison, thankyouverymuch (g)). I really appreciate your kind words. Thanks again for reading.

Wow, this is maybe the best Addek fic I have ever read! Encore, encore! I want more!

Wow, that's high praise indeed :-). Thank you so much for reading and for the FB. It's very much appreciated.

This was amazing! Awesome.

I'm so glad you liked it. Thank you for reading and the FB.