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Seema
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February 2016
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Seema [userpic]

Happy (slightly early) birthday, yahtzee63! Also, a happy birthday to caitn! Hope you both have a great day.

And to celebrate, fic: Sorry Seems to Be (The Hardest Word) -- Addison Shepherd never intended to have an affair. She certainly never intended to start one in the bed she shared with her husband. Pre-series through the end of the first season. (Addison/Derek, Addison/Mark)

Comments

I LOVE it! This is so fantastic -- looking right into the heart of the affair, which isn't Addison's fault or Mark's or Derek's, but something that simmers up from the dynamic between all three of them, inevitably. No bad guys, no saints, just people in one hell of a mess. Above all, I love Addison's refrain, "I don't want to be that woman." She's trying so hard to define what she doesn't want that she's perhaps not asking herself what she DOES want. I love your Addison, and I love this story. Thank you!

I LOVE it

I'm so glad. It's been brewing in my head ever since you mentioned you wanted Mark/Addison for your birthday and that fortuitous pipe burst actually made it happen (g).

This is so fantastic -- looking right into the heart of the affair, which isn't Addison's fault or Mark's or Derek's, but something that simmers up from the dynamic between all three of them, inevitably.

No, it's really no one's fault and I didn't really want there to be a reason why Derek and Addison weren't getting along, they just weren't and that happens to people too. And I decided, halfway through the writing, that probably Mark had been sweet on Addison all along (g), and he saw his chance. Except, she was still hung up on the guy who didn't make her feel like a gawky teenager.

Above all, I love Addison's refrain, "I don't want to be that woman." She's trying so hard to define what she doesn't want that she's perhaps not asking herself what she DOES want.

And I think she comes close to defining it at the very end when she tries to tell Mark about SGH, but then gives up and instead tells him at the last possible minute when he can't do anything to stop her. It's a different kind of triangle than the one that ended season 1, because Derek wasn't a physical presence, but I'm sure he was very much an emotional presence. No matter how sweet, loving and caring Mark is, he won't get Addison until she gets what she wants, which is closure of some kind and forgiveness from Derek.

I love your Addison, and I love this story. Thank you!

You're very welcome. I'm really glad you liked it (and thanks for the motivation to actually write it). I hope you had a wonderful birthday.

Thanks, Seema! I had a pretty good day. :)

hi there :) I've just read that fnafic on fanfiction, and i just wanted to comment how well written it was. i really enjoyed reading that fic (along with your other ones)! :)

Thank you! I'm so glad to hear that you liked this story and others. I had a lot of fun writing it, so it's nice to know other people enjoyed it as well.

I loved this fic to pieces, just to let you know. I thought to myself, "Yes! A fic that manages to explore what happened between these three in a good way! Finally!"

One thing you managed to convey about Mark/Addison/Derek is exactly the kind of feeling I get from them when they're on air. That they all were at fault in this situation and everyone was to blame. Yes, Addison committed adultery and yes Mark, her husband's best friend, was the one she committed it with, but the way you wrote it shows that it wasn't something intentional, it wasn't something to deliberately hurt her husband and in the end, she couldn't let him go and she couldn't forgive herself for what she did. She's human, she made a mistake and I love how you captured that.

And also, for some reason or another, the little bit of how he asked her out and how she was a gangly geek, basically, made this fic all the more poignant. It's bittersweet to think that a shy, sweet Addison who could hardly believe a hot guy was asking her out is now trying to redeem herself for cheating on said hot guy. How she got from there to here seems like such a long, sad road, if that makes sense at all.

This fic was great, thank you for writing it.

I loved this fic to pieces, just to let you know. I thought to myself, "Yes! A fic that manages to explore what happened between these three in a good way! Finally!"

Thank you :-). That was exactly my intent -- trying to figure out what exactly happened to the friendship between Derek and Mark, what on earth could have made Addison turn to Mark, and then the aftermath. Of course the question that I want to answer and haven't gotten around to yet is how/why Derek turned away from Addison.

That they all were at fault in this situation and everyone was to blame

Exactly. Addison gets an unfair burden of blame, I think, but in general, she must have been deeply wounded and hurt to even consider sleeping with Mark. And we see how hard Addison tries *now* to make things right, and no doubt, she must have worked that hard *before* Mark and must have felt very desperate when she finally ended up with Mark. Whether she wanted to be caught is another story entirely.

It's bittersweet to think that a shy, sweet Addison who could hardly believe a hot guy was asking her out is now trying to redeem herself for cheating on said hot guy.

That scene actually was one of the first that popped into my head when I was coming up with the ideas for this fic. Addison is always so strong and confident about everything *except* Derek, and her comment at the prom sealed it for me -- that she wasn't the head-turner in her younger years that she was now (or more likely, she didn't know *how* to turn heads) and Derek was most probably the first guy who really made her feel beautiful. And when you lose that, if you're insecure in the first place, well, I think it comes out in a relationship -- if that makes sense.

Thanks so much for your lovely FB. I'm so glad you liked this story and thank you for taking the time to read and tell me what you thought of it.

Hello! I've had this bookmarked for ages, it seems. What a beautiful story! It's a wonderful look at Addison, and I appreciate how you fleshed out the relationships between all three of them.

Thank you! I'm so glad to hear you liked it. The relationship between these three is fascinating, so very fun and interesting to write.